Online dating has introduced new language that reflects the diversity of modern relationships and identities. On platforms like Grindr, users often describe themselves using terms that might be unfamiliar to those outside the LGBTQ+ community. One of those terms is “side.” For many, understanding what this label means can help clarify expectations, preferences, and compatibility in dating and hookups.
TLDR: On Grindr, a “side” refers to someone who does not engage in anal sex, preferring other forms of intimacy instead. The term challenges the traditional “top” and “bottom” sexual roles often associated with gay men. Being a side is a valid sexual preference and part of the broad spectrum of queer identities. Understanding this term helps promote clearer communication and healthier connections.
What Does “Side” Mean?
In Grindr terminology, a side is typically a gay or bisexual man who does not practice anal penetration, either as a top or a bottom. Unlike tops (those who penetrate) or bottoms (those who are penetrated), sides prefer other types of sexual activities, such as:
- Oral sex
- Mutual masturbation
- Frottage (body rubbing)
- Kissing and sensual touch
- Non-penetrative intimacy
It’s important to note that being a side is about personal sexual preference, not about insecurity, inexperience, or lack of openness. For many, this identity reflects comfort, physical preference, emotional intimacy styles, or health considerations.
Where Did the Term “Side” Come From?
The term gained popularity in the late 2010s, though the concept existed long before it had a name. Traditionally, gay male sexual culture emphasized the binary of top or bottom — sometimes including “versatile” for those who enjoy both roles. However, this framework left little room for people who did not enjoy anal sex at all.
As discussions about sexual health, consent, and identity became more nuanced online, the term side emerged organically within LGBTQ+ communities. Eventually, the word gained widespread recognition through social media and dating apps, including Grindr, which later added it as a selectable position option.
Why Some People Identify as a Side
There are many reasons someone might identify as a side. These reasons are highly personal and can include physical, emotional, or psychological factors.
1. Physical Comfort
Some individuals find anal sex uncomfortable or painful. This can be due to anatomy, medical conditions, or simply personal sensitivity. Choosing to avoid discomfort is completely valid.
2. Emotional Preference
For some, sexual intimacy is less about penetration and more about closeness and mutual pleasure. They may find that non-penetrative acts feel more connected and satisfying.
3. Health Considerations
Although safe sex practices significantly reduce risks, anal sex carries a higher risk for HIV transmission compared to other sexual activities. Some sides prefer activities they perceive as lower risk.
4. Breaking Free from Labels
Top and bottom roles sometimes carry stereotypes. A person identifying as a side may actively reject these traditional categorizations and the cultural expectations attached to them.
Side vs. Top vs. Bottom vs. Versatile
Understanding the distinction between these categories can help clarify what side means in context.
- Top: Prefers to be the penetrating partner during anal sex.
- Bottom: Prefers to be the receptive partner during anal sex.
- Versatile (Vers): Enjoys both topping and bottoming.
- Side: Prefers non-penetrative sexual activities.
These categories are not rigid boxes but rather communication tools. Some people switch between identities over time, and others find that one label consistently fits them best.
Is Being a Side Common?
While it may seem new or niche, many people identify as sides. Studies and anecdotal surveys within LGBTQ+ communities suggest that a significant percentage of gay and bisexual men either:
- Rarely engage in anal sex
- Engage in it occasionally but do not prioritize it
- Avoid it completely
The rise of open discussions about sexual preferences has simply made this identity more visible. As stigma decreases, more people feel comfortable publicly stating their preferences.
How “Side” Appears on Grindr
Grindr includes “side” as a position option in user profiles. This allows individuals to communicate their preferences clearly before initiating conversation.
On a Grindr profile, you might see sections labeled:
- Position: Top, Bottom, Versatile, Side
- Looking For: Chat, Dates, Friends, Right Now
Selecting side can help reduce misunderstandings. Instead of having to clarify preferences after matching, users can set expectations from the beginning.
This level of transparency often improves communication and consent — two core components of healthy sexual interactions.
Misconceptions About Being a Side
Despite growing acceptance, misconceptions still exist. Addressing them helps foster respect and understanding.
“Sides Are Just Inexperienced.”
This assumption is inaccurate. Many sides have tried anal sex and decided it wasn’t for them. Preference does not equate to inexperience.
“Sides Are Afraid of Commitment.”
Sexual roles and emotional availability are separate issues. A side can be interested in casual hookups, long-term relationships, or anything in between.
“It’s Just a Phase.”
For some, sexual interests evolve over time. For others, being a side is a consistent and enduring orientation toward intimacy.
How to Communicate If You’re a Side
Open communication is essential in dating, especially when preferences differ from mainstream expectations.
Here are some helpful tips:
- Be direct: Clearly state your preferences in your bio or early conversations.
- Discuss boundaries: Explain what you enjoy and what you’re not comfortable with.
- Stay confident: There is nothing abnormal about your preference.
- Respect others’ roles: Compatibility goes both ways.
Healthy connections are built on mutual understanding. Being upfront saves time and reduces awkward or uncomfortable encounters.
Can a Side Date a Top or Bottom?
Absolutely. Compatibility depends on shared expectations rather than labels alone. Some tops or bottoms may prioritize anal sex and prefer partners who share that desire. Others may be flexible and open to exploring non-penetrative intimacy.
In relationships, couples often negotiate their sexual dynamic based on what makes both partners feel satisfied and respected. A side might date another side for perfect alignment or connect with a versatile partner who enjoys a wide range of activities.
The Bigger Picture: Expanding Sexual Identity Language
The emergence of the term side reflects a broader cultural shift. Dating apps and online communities have allowed individuals to:
- Name experiences that were previously unnamed
- Challenge traditional binaries
- Normalize diverse sexual expressions
This evolution highlights an important truth: sexuality is not one-size-fits-all. Even within specific communities, preferences vary widely.
By giving language to different desires, platforms like Grindr empower users to define their sexuality on their own terms. That empowerment can reduce shame, increase confidence, and encourage healthier communication.
Final Thoughts
Understanding what “side” means on Grindr is ultimately about respecting personal preference. The term describes someone who prefers non-penetrative intimacy, standing outside the traditional top-bottom framework. It’s neither a limitation nor a rejection of sexuality — it’s simply a reflection of what brings someone pleasure and comfort.
As conversations around sex become more open and inclusive, terms like side help broaden the spectrum of identity. In doing so, they create space for more authentic connections — both online and offline.
FAQ
1. Does being a side mean someone never has anal sex?
Generally, yes — a side typically avoids anal penetration. However, individual experiences vary, and some people may identify as mostly side while occasionally experimenting.
2. Is “side” only used on Grindr?
No. While Grindr helped popularize the term, it is widely used across LGBTQ+ communities, social media, and other dating apps.
3. Can a side be in a long-term relationship?
Absolutely. Being a side relates to sexual preference, not relationship goals. Sides can have fulfilling long-term or short-term partnerships.
4. Is being a side related to sexual orientation?
No. “Side” describes a sexual role preference, not orientation. A person can be gay, bisexual, or queer and still identify as a side.
5. Why is it important to list “side” on a dating profile?
Listing it helps set expectations early, reduces misunderstandings, and encourages open communication about compatibility.
6. Are sides considered less common than tops or bottoms?
While tops, bottoms, and versatile users may be more visible, many people identify as sides. Increased awareness continues to normalize the label.
